


Strength

by Wordplaysam



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1783003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordplaysam/pseuds/Wordplaysam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam sees his father for the first time since joining the Night's Watch, and says goodbye to Gilly. (spoilers through A Feast For Crows)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength

"Well," Randyll Tarly said when he laid eyes on Samwell being led into the hall, not wasting time with greetings. "When I was told a Brother of the Watch was seeking audience with me, I thought he was come to tell me you had died. But that is obviously not so." Lord Tarly didn’t bother to hide his disappointment that Sam was still breathing. "You are no Brother at all, come to tell me you have failed and fled the Watch, is that it?"

"I am no deserter," Sam answered, his voice clearer in this moment than he ever thought it’d be. "I have pledged my life and honor to the Night’s Watch, for this night and all the nights to come." Sam had not thought himself grown an ounce more brave at the Wall, still the same craven he had arrived, but as he said the words of his Brotherhood to the man who had made every day of his childhood a depthless misery, Sam considered Lord Randyll against the wildlings he’d faced, the Others he had slayed. For the first time in his life, he found himself facing Lord Randyll without fear, and for the first time, he considered perhaps the Wall had changed him after all. "My Watch will not end until my death, I have sworn it."

"Then why are you not at the Wall?" Lord Randyll asked.

"I was sent to Oldtown on the orders of the Lord Commander himself, and it is by his suggestion that I am come to Horn Hill as well," Sam said.

"Oh?" Lord Randyll asked. "Is the Lord Commander in the habit of encouraging homesick boys to visit their mothers?"

Sam didn’t answer at first, just nodded to Gilly. Dressed plainly, Lord Randyll probably hadn’t even noticed her before now. She put Aemon into Sam’s arms. “This is Aemon,” Sam said, cradling him tenderly. Sam said the next words carefully, evenly, with a firm purpose behind them, his stare locked with his father’s: “Aemon _Flowers_.”

There was silence in the hall for the space of a breath as Lord Randyll considered something that had to utterly reverse his worldview, that Sam was virile enough to produce a son, never mind that he could take a woman to bed in the first place. “You are a deserter, then.” Lord Randyll said finally.

"N-n-no," Sam replied, here his voice quavering. Though Aemon was not actually Sam’s own son (nor, even Gilly’s), he had broken his vows with Gilly all the same. Sam was caught between the shame of oathbreaking and the sweetness of her skin on his fingertips as he remembered the way Gilly called herself his wife when they coupled in his hammock on the _Cinnamon Wind_. ”I have broken a p-p-piece of my vows, but I have been for-ffforgiven for my transgressions.” _Oh, please, forgive me, Jon,_ Sam prayed—hoped—to himself. “I do not ask that you acknowledge Aemon as your grandson,” Sam said. “Only that you allow him and his mother to remain at Horn Hill. The Wall is not safe for a child, especially one such as he. Gilly will work for their keep: this is her first time South, but she has many skills that can be useful for the household.” Sam hoped his mother would do what she could to shield Gilly from Lord Randyll, but even the worst abuse he could inflict would be light against what might soon beset the Wall. Lord Randyll didn’t nod, but neither did he say no, his mouth set in a firm line.

"Of course they have a place here," his mother interrupted, settling the matter. "Will you stay the night, Sam?" she asked in a voice heavy with hope. Though he hated Lord Randyll, Sam longed for little more than to spend the night at Horn Hill, to feast in the hall beside his mother and steal smiles from his sisters once more. But he cast a glance at Gilly, and he knew as much as he knew anything that if they stayed under the same roof, he would break his vows again, and again, for as long as they were together.

"No," Sam replied. "I am expected back at Oldtown tonight."

Even so, he kissed Gilly one last time before he left his father’s castle. She clung to him even as Sam was breaking away, and it took all the strength he had gained at the Wall not to bundle her into his arms and never let her go. For all his resolve, he hoped against hope that his mission at the Citadel would permit him the time to visit again, at the very least before he returned to the North. ”I love you,” he said, softly, as he broke their touch. 

He could still taste her on his lips, as he rode away into the gathering night.


End file.
